Say something about gay babies.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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