I have demons in me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
