my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
