just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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