There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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