thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
