I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
