god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
