this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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