I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
