btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
this just has baby written all over it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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