just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
