If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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