u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We need to get me chipped asap
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
