The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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