Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Shame - the story of my life.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
