they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
