Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
