these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
And then he peed in my hair
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
