Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
