yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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