Tell her she can't have a vagina
...so i touched it.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
