just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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