it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
