Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
