I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
