My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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