I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
