I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Drunk is not a location!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
