Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
