you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
