No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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