she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
