I can text with my tongue
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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