You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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