We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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