last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I want a musical about memes.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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