You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
4 words: hood of his car
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
