i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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