don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
