who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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