i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
