The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
