just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
