Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
