She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
