I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
