3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
His nipple licking is glorious
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