It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
