when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
